The Journey Of Self-Acceptance

 

*Blows dust off of old book cover*, *Sneezes*, Where were we?

It has been a long time since the Fjordhammer name made an appearance on your timeline, and after such a long period of time away I am glad to be writing under it again. Personally, I am a significantly different person, compared to the person that wrote out their story on the 25th November last year. A lot of change has happened and I am excited to say that it is the best kind of change, positive change. I returned to my third round of counselling and this time around was my most transformative. I managed to enter the central building of my mental health struggles, rearrange the furniture and opened the window as a result the winds of change have been phenomenal. My whole mindset, outlook and attitude has changed, don't get me wrong it's a long process and I am definitely still deep in the process of tackling those last dark corners, but ultimately I am becoming the man I have always wanted to be. 

A massive part of that has been reconnecting with my inner child, someone who I thought I had lost completely in my years of negativity. However, he always remained, like a battle hardened Berserker he was always ready to fight back the oppressive monsters of anxiety and stress. Even though I have experienced a massive overhaul again in the last two months, quitting my hospitality job was the freedom that I needed to pursue what I really wanted to do. While the job search is laborious and monotonous, I see that my experience writing for Noizze and Distorted Sound starting to get noticed, alongside my RAMzine social media management. Outside of writing, I'm feeling my creativity and imagination begin to work harmoniously again, I'm seeing the beauty around me (even though I still struggle to motivate myself to get outside on a daily basis) and I'm beginning to think clearly and productively. 

Even though I've made this sound like plain sailing, it is far from that. I still find myself dealing with a lot of frustration and loneliness as I find myself living in an isolation that I did not expect, but what I have learned is that I do have a strong set of skills and something to offer to the world. For a long time I felt like I didn't really have anything of significant value to offer, but through my last round of counselling I have begun to really accept myself along with my skills, abilities, values etc. Despite this, while I am present with an excellent opportunity to pursue my music, writing and the likes, it still leaves you feeling the agony of choice. What do I do with this time? How do I make the most of it? What if I'm just wasting time? It is easy to see how things begin to spiral, keeping that in check is also part of the challenge. I guess my point is that my current situation has me simultaneously in a really positive place but also a really frustrating place. 

"The world is your oyster" is what I was always told, and in literal terms yes it is, there is so much I can do but its choosing the road to go down that's the hardest choice. If there is one thing I have learnt though is that it is ok if the path changes whilst you're walking in a certain direction, maybe you're not ready for that destination yet so you have to take a detour. Reinventing yourself is an incredible thing, and while it is hard to not get bogged down in how successful we perceive others to be, what you have overcome is an incredible achievement and nothing can take that away from you. 

All in all, I think it is important that I fire up the Fjordhammer Project again, now more than ever. I want to achieve my goal of a community of people can feel safe, accepted and heard. As times keep getting tougher, there is still hope for all of us, there is still things to create, lives to be changed and a planet to take care of. We can do that. So I hope that these words are relatable to you, and I hope that you keep fighting the good fight for yourself, as I have done these past few months, you've got this!

Thank you for reading this mini update, I hope that I receive more contributions for you soon! For now, have a wonderful day!