The Fjordhammer Project: History Saved My Life - Andrea Stephens

Bio

Andrea Stephens is a Tudor and Elizabethan historian, Ripperologist, a history blog witter, book worm and Wicca witch in training. After studying history for approximately 15 years and during the third year of her history degree, she decided to branch out and with a little bit of help from her cousin created the Wandering Through The Ages. Running across three different formats, it helps to get historical views and points across along with the odd book review. The main blog can be found at here, but can also be found on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

History Saved My Life

Ever since I can remember I have been a book worm. I can read anywhere and at anytime. At any one time I can have about 3 different books in the go at one time and not get confused with the plots. This love of books would become worse once I found my love of history, Tudor history to be specific. Now here we are seventeen years later, with three full book cases, five history diplomas and in the last two years of my history degree. 

History was my second choice and back up plan and after I failed getting in the Navy it became my safety net and life line. I look back and think I wouldn't be who I am my love of history and books plays a massive part in my life. But even though I felt I was on the right path, there seemed to be deamons in the background slowly raising their heads. From an early age I always knew I was different and knew that I wanted to be different and to follow whatever path in life that I wanted, but I think that's what may have been the start of my issues. I often founded that I wanted to be on my own more, was crying myself to sleep most nights, felt that I wasn't loved and dare I say it the odd suicidal thought. But everything for me seemed to calm down for a few years, that was till I moved away from my family, it was as though my head was a ticking bomb that couldn't be away from my family.

I can remember when things changed for me, the evening of the 20th July 2017, for those not in the music world, this was the day that Chester Bennington died. I will admit that I was never a big fan of Linkin Park, but with the passing of Chester it hit me harder and effected me hell of a lot more then I expected. It was at this point in time that I admitted that I needed to get some kind of help or reach out. 

But let's add some backstory on to the issues and shed some light as what was really going on. I was in my second year of living away from my family, working in a job that was making me miserable due to the fact of the new manager seeming out to get rid of me, in my third year of university, living with my now ex who had just told me he wanted to up and move to Australia, and having some kind of relationship with a friend. I was at breaking point, apart of me wanted to say f*** it and move back to my family, but at the same time there was things keeping me there. But this is where all my issues seem to have started, I noticed that at times I became more aggitated and annoyed at things, was yelling at my ex, sitting in silence all evening, struggling to go out alone and not knowing what I wanted to do. I don't know if was a combination of heartbreak, homesickness or stress but most nights I would cry myself to sleep and dread getting up the following day. I know none of this sounds in connection with mental health, but for me none of this was normal.

I remember booking the Dr appointment and then asking my ex to come with me. I was given three options, group therapy, online therapy or medication. I choose online therapy as it had a shorter waiting list and seemed easier for me. This lasted six weeks roughly, I was given a therapist as well as worksheet like activities to do. These would help me to understand my feelings, emotions and try to help me in the long run. At the start it worked, but by the end and a few months after I started to slip backwards and all the demons started to come back. 

I came home for the weekend on my birthday and while I was with my family, I realised that I needed them more then I needed my ex, my job or my friend. So I moved back home. Packing up 4 years of your life in to boxes and putting them in the back of a car is hard and really makes you think. I was happy to be home, that's for sure and it seemed that everything went away after I got back into the swing of life at home. Jump on to 2019, I had a new job, back with my family, still had my friend and a new partner. 

But come to 2020, things would again change. I know that everyone suffered mentally during the lock down, but this was when I noticed that I needed to do something else as things were starting to rear their heads. I nearly ruined a surprise Valentine's trip, by needing to know where we were going and what we were doing so that I could stay on top of my anxiety. All through 2020, me and my partner where in the middle of buying a house, while in lock down, living with my parents and having to get rid of my friend. I think most of it this time was due to stress and just wanting it to be over. I was having sleepless nights, I have always struggled with my sleep but this was worse. Because I was unable to sleep, this was making me more and more aggitated and annoyed at things, but this time it was effecting my life at work.

One afternoon at work I went to the NHS website and filled out the online form that helps to answer your questions. After I answered the questions my result was to phone 111 and talk to someone. By the late evening I had a call from the Dr and once I explained what was going on and what I was feeling she decided to try me on a low dosage of sleeping and anti-anxiety medication. For me I always felt that taking medication was a last resort and a sign of giving up, plus I didn't want the pills to change me or drug me up. 

Here I am nearly a year or so down the road and feeling much better. Since taking the pills my sleep has got so much better, I can sleep all the way through to my alarm, just as long as I watch two episodes of the Simpsons to help. I have also found that my anxiety has lifted, I don't struggle as much to go out on my own or do things on my own.

Through all this I always had my books and my history to fall back on. I love being able to pick up a book and fall in to the pages, getting lost in the story as though I am there living it. History has helped me through so much, it's made me want to push on and get my degrees and diplomas. Ever since I started my degree I put a wallpaper on my laptop of people that meant a lot to me and most of them are women from history. I would then sit and look at it when I needed that extra push or help. Since re-branding my history blog and getting my cousin Tom onboard, I've seen an improvement. I want to get my love of history out there in the hope that if it helped me then it can help someone else to.